(Mis)Adventures of a Wide-Eyed Wanderer

Dream Number 1

2011-09-20T10:09:00.000+08:00

This was a doodle I made while waiting for the branch supervisor in one of my field works in Sorsogon. It was definitely boring so I decided to write something.

___________________________________________

I WANT TO TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD
I WANT TO BE A GLOBAL CITIZEN
I WANT TO SEE PLACES BEYOND THE PHILIPPINES

I want to travel around the world.
I want to travel around the world.
If only I have the means...

I dream of studying in the United States.
I dream of backpacking in Europe.
I dream of seeing the safari in Africa.
I dream of teaching and volunteering in the United Nations.

________________________________________

After reading the doodle, my spirits became high again. If you allow me to add a few more lines, I would like to end that doodle with this line.

I WANT TO BE A GLOBAL CITIZEN, BUT A FILIPINO AT HEART.

Random

2011-09-15T17:58:00.000+08:00

1. I am frustrated. I know I still lack the knowledge and experience. I do not need to compare myself to other people but I cannot help it. And whenever I do, I always feel inferior to them. All I need is a chance and maybe, time.

2. I just don't get the bar vibe.

3. Masama akong tao sa parehong paraan na masama kang tao.

4. I wonder what my father would say to me after everything that happened. I badly need his advice.

5. Madali lang ba ang pag-ibig? Kung "no strings attached" ang mga bagay, baka madali nga. Pero ang tunay na pag-ibig, hindi madali.

6. I am being put in a tight spot. Honestly, I cannot keep up.

7. Nothing happened. It is a matter of how you see things.

Some things are changing

2011-09-04T18:03:00.000+08:00

1. Some things are not meant to be said.

Some things are changing.

2. Some things are better kept to self.

Some things are changing.

3. Some things are complicated.

Some things are changing.

4. Some things are better left as they are.

Some things are changing.

I am changing.

Equilibrium

2011-06-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

We never met at that point.

So it was not meant to be.

And we will never be.

On Teaching, Training, and Learning

2011-06-10T23:01:00.000+08:00

On Sunday, a friend and I exchanged tweets about how excited she was for tomorrow because it was the first day of classes. For my friend, it was her first day as a pre-school teacher. Of course, she was anxious but was more excited. For one, she was stressed due to the fact that she could not sleep yet she did not want to look like a zombie when she faces her students. More than the anxiety, she was eager to see her students and take good care of them once their parents leave them in school. I replied to her that the first day of any teacher will always be nerve wracking but she will definitely get over it. She knew what she wanted to do this time and therefore, she would give her 100 percent to make her students' first day a comfortable, happy, and memorable one.

During our exchange, it made me realize that I miss teaching. I was already living my dream of teaching and mentoring college students but it was cut short due to unavoidable circumstances. My previous teaching stint left a scar in my humanity as some people were unable to embrace the idealism I was preaching during my mentoring sessions. Worse, my superior doubted my ability to manage the students and make them change for the better. Since then, I have been questioning myself on whether I can truly be an effective teacher and mentor to my future students. Whenever there is a chance for me to reflect, a harsh thought is always recurring: that I am a bad teacher. I only bring chaos to the world of teaching by being a bad example to the students. It may sound insane to think of such thoughts but I think that way. It affects me greatly because the more I come to arrive at that thought, my fear to teach intensifies. Ultimately, I lose hope that I can go back to teaching--to molding minds of our future engineers, doctors, economists, and change makers.

Meanwhile, I was tasked by our office to conduct a session for one of our public-run trainings. After the training day, all of us who trained for that day gave their assessments on each other's performance. When it was my turn to be evaluated, I knew that my evaluation will be a bit tedious. True enough, they were giving their observations and opinions about how I delivered my piece. As far I can remember, there were more points for improvement than things I did well during the training. Some of those were my kind of humor, where I always tend to humiliate myself at the expense of the credibility I am building as a trainer, and my lack of effort to prepare more for my piece. Also, I needed to arrange my thoughts accordingly so that the participants would truly appreciate what I say to them. Needless to say, that day was a grueling one for me.

Then I remembered my tweet with my teacher friend on why I fear of going back to the craft I truly love: there are more things to learn on how to become an effective teacher and ultimately, a mentor.

This is definitely a learning experience.

Panaghoy

2011-05-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

Nakatingala sa mga tala
ang puso kong nagdaramdam
Naghihintay ng himala
sa mga anito ng nakaraan

Maaari ko bang baguhin
ang lahat ng aking nagawa
Nang tuluyang maghilom
ang sugat ng kanyang paglisan

Access...Denied!

2011-05-16T18:52:00.001+08:00

I had just been denied entry to the MRT premises.

It was yesterday when I visited my friend in Mandaluyong City. During my stay, my friend offered me a bottle of beer. I hesitantly accepted the beer because of work the following day. What I know is that I have to limit my beer intake so that I could function well at work, a.k.a, not get drunk. I only managed to drink half a bottle because one, I don't like drinking not-so-cold beer and another, the beer I drank was unusually strong. In local parlance, lakas tama. (insert ~~lakas tama, ako'y nawawala, nawawala~~)

I decided to go home at 9:00 PM, just in time before the MRT closes. After buying my ticket, I fell in line to enter the premises when the lady guard was doing her mandatory security measures. A little kapkap here and there. Right then and there, this conversation happened:

Lady Guard (LG): Nakainom po ba kayo?

Me: Onti.

LG: Sir, sorry po. Pero bawal po kayo.

Me: Ha? Hindi naman ako lasing eh.

LG: Sir, kahit na po.

Me: (saying to myself) LETSUGAS NAMAN, OH!

Already defeated and to save myself from further humiliation, I returned to the ticket counter and asked for a refund. The only consolation I got from that incident is that I enjoyed my bus ride going home, thanks to the ultra-cold air conditioning and amusing Tom and Jerry rerun being shown.

On the other hand, I applaud the lady guard who stopped me from entering because she was only following the protocols.

What did I learn from the incident? Stop complaining and just follow the freakin' rules. It will go a long way.

Impending Question of Doom

2011-04-27T12:39:00.000+08:00

"How do you know if you have become successful?"

This was the question I was trying to avoid. But then, my co-LCP (Le Club Professionel) asked the inevitable. At that instance, my mouth felt like it was zippered. I could not say anything. When I got home, it kept me thinking about what success means to me.

After days of thinking and reflecting, something hit me. As long as I am happy with what I have become, then I don't have to compare my success to others.

Question answered.

____________________________________________

Then a clarificatory question popped out while commuting to work: "What does happy mean?"

The cycle of questioning continues.
At masakit siya sa ulo.

My First Blog Entry.

2011-04-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

This is an attempt to broadcast to the world what I think of the world.

Many say I am weird on how I see things. Most of the time people give me a puzzling look, sometimes confused, when I start talking. Maybe because what they see is just a blabbering mouth and an overflowing saliva or I just can not make sense...at all. Either way, I am unaffected because it is part of my configuration. Only people close to me can see beyond the blabbering and the spewing of saliva. To them, at least I know that I am making sense and that what I say matters to them. Just to qualify, these people are real. :D

I think this more than just an attempt.
This is a start to make myself understood.

________________________

Or is it understandable?